Members of the public,

My name is Peter Bantock and I am a senior partner in the law firm of Bantock and Pettigrew. One of our junior partners, Hassan Shankar, has not turned up for work since the massive power outage Thursday night. We have reason to believe that he may have gone underground to find a woman he met on this bulletin board. Although we are already cooperating with the police, we would appreciate any help you could give us in this matter.